Complete Guide: Step-by-Step Tips on How to Approach Women
If you’re looking for tips on how to approach women, you’ve come to the right place. As someone who used to struggle with shyness and had difficulty talking to girls until my early twenties (often requiring alcohol as a social lubricant), I have some advice to share.
However, now I have developed the ability to confidently approach and connect with women in any circumstance. This has become somewhat of a superpower for me. As a testament to its effectiveness, I even met my wonderful wife while strolling along the streets of Budapest.
Without a doubt, learning how to approach and attract women has been one of the best choices I’ve ever made. And now, I want to share this knowledge with you. In this article, I will provide you with effective strategies that will allow you to confidently engage with women, surpassing the abilities of any pick-up artist out there.
Moreover, I will guide you on how to approach women with confidence and ease, without succumbing to anxiety or the fear of rejection. It’s important to note that the objective is not to become a pick-up artist, but rather a well-rounded, self-assured individual who is capable of attracting the right people into their life. With modern, effective methods, we can leave behind the outdated approach of traditional pick-up techniques and embrace a new, exciting way of living in 2023.
To start your journey of discovering how to approach women, it’s crucial that you eliminate the term ‘pick up’ and any related language commonly used by pick-up artists. While I have used the term in this article so far for the sake of familiarity, it’s important to recognize that traditional pick-up techniques are often fear-based and not conducive to authentic connections with women.
They employ language that mimics military jargon, such as: “approaching women” “referring to women as targets” – (which is highly immature and disrespectful towards women) “disarming” and “recording in-field videos”.
Moreover, traditional pick-up methods prioritize achieving a particular outcome, whether it’s obtaining a phone number, securing a kiss, or arranging a date. If you don’t achieve the desired outcome, it is often deemed a failure or rejection.
These tactics often result in two outcomes:
As a result, the pick-up artist community has developed various methods to conceal such behaviors and appear less desperate.
The concept of ‘pick up’ is fundamentally flawed.
Desperation is unattractive.
Becoming a pick-up artist who aggressively approaches every woman on the street is not the solution.
Rather, it’s essential to approach women in a genuine, authentic manner that comes from a place of sincerity.
You aspire to be a confident, charismatic individual who lives an exciting life. When you encounter an attractive woman during your adventures, you can approach her and express your attraction without any fear or expectation.
Not relying on a specific outcome, but rather being comfortable in your own skin, is the antithesis of neediness, which we recognize as attractive.
The first step to mastering the art of approaching women is:
Eliminate the use of pick-up artist jargon.
Refrain from viewing any pick-up artist content.
Avoid any individuals or resources that promote the pick-up artist lifestyle.
Instead, rely on the guidance in this article. These teachings are all you require.
Step 1 – Becoming Autonomous: How to Talk to Girls Without Neediness
In order to maintain consistency with the title, the phrase “pick up girls” will be used in this article, but it should be interpreted as “talking to girls” instead. Just because you’re talking to women doesn’t mean you’re “picking them up”.
Being a needy person who goes out every day hunting for women is not a desirable behavior. Instead, you want to be a cool guy who lives an exciting life and has the confidence to approach a woman and tell her how attractive she is. To achieve this, you need to build autonomy.
Autonomy is the state of being completely self-reliant, self-contained, and self-sufficient.
It means having a sense of fulfillment and wholeness without relying on external factors such as women or the approval of others.
Most guys who are looking to learn how to talk to women aren’t in this place of autonomy. And that’s okay.
It’s likely that you’re feeling needy right now, and that’s normal.
When I first started learning how to talk to women, I was incredibly needy. I saw every woman as a potential partner and believed that having sex with them was the only way to achieve happiness and fulfillment.
Indeed, sex can be enjoyable, but if you go out trying to pick up girls with the mindset that having sex with them is the only thing you need for fulfillment and happiness, you’ll eventually realize that even having sex with the most attractive girl you just met won’t bring you true satisfaction.
Once she’s gone, you’ll still be the same person with that same emptiness inside you. It’s a disconcerting feeling.
Of course, love, connection, and family are essential, but nothing, not even an abundance of women, sex, money, or cars, can truly satisfy the void of neediness within you.
However, the majority of guys (not all) who develop an interest in picking up girls assume that it will. They put in a lot of effort to become successful pickup artists, but it doesn’t bring them genuine happiness. I’ve had conversations with the most renowned pickup artists in the world, and they all shared the same sentiment.
When I share this insight with men, they may mistakenly think that I’m criticizing their attraction to women.
But that’s not the case at all.
There’s a vast difference between wanting something (or someone) and needing it.
Naturally, when you spot an attractive woman strolling down the street, you want to approach her. You want to get to know her, be close to her, kiss her, and perhaps even more.
In order to have a genuine connection with a woman, you need to first become complete within yourself. Otherwise, you’ll be seeking something from her, rather than sharing something with her, which can be a major turn-off. That’s why, when it comes to learning how to talk to women, the first step is to cultivate autonomy.
How to Connect with Women – Step 2 – Give, Don’t Take
As mentioned earlier, it’s important to share your desire, life, love, and passion with the woman, rather than just trying to obtain something from her.
One approach is parasitic and instills fear, while the other is attractive, like the sun shining without any expectations of receiving something in return.
Picture this for a moment:
You come across an incredibly attractive woman. She’s so attractive that the thought of approaching her fills you with immense fear and anxiety. You’re frozen, unable to take action for fear of rejection.
Then, as she’s walking, she drops her purse without realizing it. Without hesitation, you rush over to retrieve it and catch up to her to return it.
What just occurred?
There was no need to approach her with fear. Instead, you acted on an opportunity to give back her purse without any expectation of getting something in return. This unconditional act of giving was made in just a matter of seconds, even after you were scared to talk to her or even pick her up. In the event that she was unresponsive or even unkind, telling you to go away without taking her purse, you wouldn’t feel rejected at all. You’d probably think, “Okay,” and accept her decision.
The energy has shifted from a mindset of taking to giving unconditionally.
I understand that you have desires, such as wanting her phone number, romance, or intimacy. However, imagine if you had such a strong sense of self-worth and confidence that you knew you were a fantastic person (which you are) with a lot to offer her. Your desire for her would then be a wonderful gift to share with her, similar to giving her back her lost purse.
Approaching women or “picking them up” would come effortlessly to you.
Keep in mind that not everyone will be interested in you. She may already have a boyfriend, or she could have had a bad day and may respond negatively. You have no control over that.
All you can do is share your desires with her.
If you put in the effort (yes, it requires effort) and approach from this mindset…
There is no rejection.
There is no approach anxiety.
That sensation you get when you see a woman you’re interested in and want to talk to (it’s a fantastic feeling) – rather than interpreting it as anxiety, it transforms into excitement.
Stop regarding women as “targets” or “sets.”
Stop simply trying to acquire something from them. Instead, begin co-creating with them.
How to Pick Up Girls – Step 3 – Playful Approach
It’s important to understand that picking up girls is not always what mainstream coaches make it out to be. When you let go of the attachment to the outcome, you can find joy in the simplest things like connecting through eye contact or having a conversation with a woman. It’s about being in the moment and enjoying the experience.
When you approach a woman in a playful way, it changes the dynamic entirely. Instead of feeling like work, it becomes a fun and exciting experience for both parties. It’s all about having fun and enjoying the process.
For example, the dance floor is a perfect place to practice a playful approach. Take a moment to watch the other guys and you’ll see that some of them are just standing there, watching the girls with their drink in their hand, overthinking. Don’t be that guy. Be playful and have fun with the women you meet.
Is it apparent that they’re enjoying themselves?
Not only is it unfun, but it’s creepy, and girls can feel it.
I once had a friend who never went out to pick up girls because he had a long-term girlfriend. Instead, he had fun and danced with everyone. He had no ulterior motives for being there, and by the end of the night, girls were throwing themselves at him.
If you can combine this level of pure play with taking action or expressing your desire (principle 4), you’re golden. It’s not easy, I know.
The rule of thumb is to prioritize fun.
If you find yourself overthinking, strategizing, or planning, stop, and focus on having fun instead. If something happens organically, great. If not, at least you had a good time.
Personally, I like to talk to girls during the day, wherever my day takes me, such as the shop, café, or park. At night, I try to focus on having fun with my friends and whoever we meet. Create your fun bubble and invite people in. Romance happens naturally if you use principle 6, action.
And playing can occur during the day too.
Enjoy yourself, amuse yourself, and charm her socks off.
I’m not always in that state. The old programming creeps in, and it takes time to overcome it. But once you get there, you’ll never want to go back.
Step 4 – Seeing The Big Picture
We have covered a lot of ground in the previous steps.
From an outside perspective, two guys might seem to be doing the same thing – approaching a girl, talking to her, and trying to get her number. However, one of them could be hunting for girls all day, filled with fear, using techniques to hide his neediness, and relying on a specific outcome. The other, on the other hand, is having fun, expressing his desire unconditionally, and leaving the interaction feeling great, regardless of the result. Who do you think is more attractive?
This doesn’t mean that after reading this, you can go out and magically attract girls. It takes time and practice to embody these principles, which brings us to the final step.
The final principle we will discuss is taking action.
To successfully pick up a girl, you must approach her and start a conversation. No matter which coach or philosophy you follow, beginning this journey will be difficult, and you will likely struggle at first. That’s perfectly fine.
I recall the first time I spoke to a girl at the mall, and I believe I blanked out, and I doubt she understood me.
The more you converse with girls, the more proficient you will become. However, initially, you will need to force yourself to speak to girls while gradually incorporating the 6 principles.
After 2-6 weeks of practice, along with our 35+ customized social exercises, things will get much easier. And the best part is, you don’t need any corny pickup lines.
All you need to do is express your desire in a genuine manner and provide context if required (to help her feel at ease) based on your emotional intelligence (principle 5).
It could look something like this:
You spot a girl you like in the produce section of the grocery store.
You approach her and say:
“Excuse me, I know this is a little unconventional, but I saw you, and I believe you are stunning. My name is Sean.”
Then wait for her response, chat for a few minutes, and ask:
“Listen, I’ll let you continue with your shopping, but I’d love to hang out sometime. Can I get your number?”
This is a simple yet effective example, but with time, you will become more natural and fluid in your approach.
To reach a level of ease with picking up girls, it requires time and practicing the right techniques. However, even the shyest and least confident guys can achieve it – I assure you of that.
Moreover, this process will vary for each individual. Our goal is not to alter your personality, but rather to enhance the most appealing aspects of yourself.